Week 2 results

So far I am pleased to say that most of the relationships in my life have made the cut.

I have identified a couple of relationships where I need to personally do some more work to be able to make an informed decision.

I have identified a couple of relationships that need re-hab'ing as well before I make the decision.

Overall, I think these works in progress are good. I have noticed that I crave approval and some of my relationships are based on that. In order for them to be good for me, the relationship needs to move to equal ground. At least the basis of it does. I like having relationships with people who have qualities I can learn from and traits that I aspire to. But I don't want to be in the relationship, learning these things, if we don't start on equal footing somewhere.

Take my Voice Twin. She is 10+ years younger than I am. Meeting her had me a little bit intimidated, which she and I have since discussed. In reviewing that intimidation closer, it was a combination of fearlessness- a good quality and one I have sporadically. Nice to see in one that age and one I wish I had more of at that age. It was also a feeling of inadequacy as she is much like I was at that age - but more. I feel that in many ways she is light years ahea of me in self assuredness and confidence in her abilities. She doesn't give off the appearance of needing approval.

I do need the approval. I know this. And its something I want to change. To not care so much in that approval others is a big deal to me. TO be so confident in my ability that I do not give a rats ass about someone else's approval is a big deal to me. I'm so-so at it. I've gotten better as I get older but I want to keep working at it.

My Voice Twin is good at showing that face to the world. I use her as a model of how I want to be.

What's nice about this relationship for me is I get to impart some wisdom of my years when it's called for. She's not shy about asking and I like that. I like being able to pass some of my experience on. It's a strange relationship for me as I don't have that many younger friends. 2 actually. I was selective about both too. Voice Twin and Kathy are the two that I have that are younger by a significant amount and I am usually the youngest. So I like this.

For me, the approval thing is all about self confidence. As long as I am confident in my abilities than the need for the approval won't be so strong. At the same time, I won't stand for people capitalizing on my weaknesses and the weaknesses of others. I stand RIGHT up to that. I won't be taken advantage of or belittled. I despise people who will take you down because you have a gift or a talent. God didn't just hand one person every gift in the world. He doled them out across mankind. So perhaps one person is a genious at science and uses that gift in one way, another is musically gifted, another might be gifted with perfect pitch but just an adaquate musician, another might be an organizational genious but can't sing a note. Maybe someone has musical talents, but there true gift lies elsewhere.

So you see, I feel that there is some significant progress here and I have selected some models of what qualities I need to work on in relationships I already have. I have also identified some qualities that need to be addressed and dealt with in a re-hab of it's current status in the relationships. I am going to continue working on that while I gear up for week 3